I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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