the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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