I'm so fucking centered right now
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
