You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
