i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
