It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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