Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
