that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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