dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
