i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am naked and annoyed.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
