i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
