She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
