I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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