i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
