Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
