You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
