No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
