it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
