dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
