Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
