Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
