i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
