There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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