i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I looked at my own cervix.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
