I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How does one acquire holy water?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
