I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
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And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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