um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
