I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
