I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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