My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
