so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
