He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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