so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
