I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
either way he was missing a nipple.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
