Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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