fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
