ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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