Do you still have your period?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
