So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
