That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
