Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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