I wish I could punch you in the face.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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