drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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