It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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