Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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