Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
