Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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