it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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