she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
