Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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