she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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