sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize