obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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