I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
