I wish I only lived at night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
