He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
