The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
