batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
and she was petting her beer can
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
