i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
