I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize