You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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