i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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