I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
