I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
