i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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