We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
