We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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