Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
