dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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