I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
