took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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