Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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