This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!