I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
