Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.