I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED