The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?