who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
