the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
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dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I wish there were birth control emojis
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.