ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
