ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
