his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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