I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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