Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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