I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.