i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.